It's Been a While

 It’s been a while.  

Over three years actually, since I have posted anything on my Blog.  I had only one post in 2023 after we had returned from the Holy Land.  I haven’t posted anything since then, primarily because my life has been turned upside down.

I had noticed some issues with Joyce’s memory.  We went to a neurologist who diagnosed her with “Mild Cognitive Impairment.”  She explained that Joyce could remain about where she was or she could get worse.  But she would not get better.  

She got worse. 

She was diagnosed with dementia and things started to decline, slowly at first but then very rapidly.  

Early last year in 2025, I placed Joyce in the Life Center.  It’s an adult day care that specializes in dementia.  They are wonderful, so kind and compassionate.  They became my angels.

We started going two days a week but soon increased to five days.  Joyce thought she was going to work at the Life Center.  She never realized that she was going because she needed it.  

It got to the point that I could not leave Joyce, not even to go for a walk in the neighborhood.  I was with her constantly and it was becoming a 24/7 responsibility.

Melissa Routh, who was battling pancreatic cancer, contacted me and recommended that I read “The 36-Hour Day.”  The title says it all . . . it never ends.

I finally reached the very painful decision to place Joyce in Memory Care.  We had made arrangements for her to begin on December 29.  But the day after Christmas, she became ill with pneumonia and the flu.  I called 911.  She was transported to the hospital where she spent 4 days.  Then we moved to Abbotts Creek for five weeks of Rehab.  

The first week we were in Abbotts Creek was not good.  Joyce was barely eating and not responding to therapy.  I talked to Hospice on the doctor’s recommendation.  But then Joyce started to improve and our hopes increased. We hoped she would still be able to go to Memory Care.  

We moved to Brookdale for Memory Care on January 30.  Joyce was there for 13 days.  On the night of February 12, Joyce fell out of the bed.  The next morning, we called the Hospice Nurse.  Before the day was over we had moved to the Hospice House.  Joyce died around 9:50 p.m. on the night of February 14, Valentine’s Day.  

Joyce has been gone for over two months now, but it is not getting any easier.  In fact, in many ways it is much more difficult.  I thought it might help if I started to write again.  I know it will be good for me, and I hope it will help others.  

People ask me how I am doing.  I usually say, “Okay” or “Hanging in there.”  But the truth is I am not okay.  How can you be okay when your wife of 48 years is gone?   

I did not speak at the funeral.  Ray Nance did and he was outstanding.  My daughter, Lynn, spoke and she was very eloquent.  All five of our grandchildren shared Scripture readings.  The choir was fantastic.  They sang “Shall We Gather at the River” and “The Majesty and Glory of Your Name.”  The church was full.  I could not have asked for anything more.  

The day after the funeral I started delivering flowers.  I took flowers to Abbotts Creek, Brookdale, and the Life Center.  I took flowers to the Spa where Joyce got her hair and nails done.  I took them to the cleaners where they were always so kind to her and to the funeral home for the compassionate service they provided.  I took them to the hospital to thank them for their excellent care.  And I left flowers at the church, the church she loved and served.  

I had plenty to keep me busy.  On March 22, I delivered a sermon titled “The Journey.”   It was my personal story of all we had been through.   I will share it in the next post.