You know the line from Robert Browning, “Grow old along with
me! The best is yet to be.” He was kidding, right? I’ve watched people struggle with the
problems of old age my entire ministry.
I’ve counseled many people trying to decide how to best care for an
aging parent. It was only a matter of
time before it happened to me.
My family moved
into the brick house on Main Street in the late 1950s. All four children were raised there. It was the scene of many happy Christmas
celebrations, birthdays, family meals and gatherings, graduations, piano
recitals—it was home. This was the house
where I grew up. Mother has lived in the
house for almost sixty years. But when
my wife and I made a quick trip to Alabama to see her at the beginning of the
summer, we were shocked at how much she had declined. Our biggest concern was her medication. She has to take pills three times a day and
it was confusing even to me. I went to
the store and purchased one of those big plastic medicine organizers that had
the days of the week and the times of each day highlighted in big letters. Joyce faithfully organized all of mother’s
medicine and we went over the details with her several times before we left, but
we were very concerned.
A few days after we were there mother fell at
night. A few days later she fell again,
and then she ended up in the hospital.
She went from the hospital to rehab and as I prepared to leave the
country on a mission trip I prayed that they would keep her until I
returned. My brother and I both agreed
that she did not need to go home, but convincing her of this was a different
matter. I told my brother that as soon
as we got back from Belize I would come to Alabama so that we could all
talk.
We agreed on a time to have “the
talk” with mother who was still in rehab.
My heart was heavy as I went into the room, but I should have known that
God had already prepared the way. Mother
told me she knew she could not return home without help, but she didn’t really
want that. I told her that we didn’t
want that either.
“Why don’t we
look at other options?” I asked just as my brother walked in the door. We talked to her about assisted living and
she was open to the possibility. But
now we had another obstacle---where would she go?
If I had any
doubt as to whether God was still in control it was all answered in one phone
call. My brother told me that there was
a relatively new, assisted living facility in the area where a lady from his
church had a good experience, but he didn’t know much about it. I looked it up online and picked up the phone
to call. As the call was being processed
I thought to myself that this was probably the first of many calls I would be
making.
A friendly voice
answered the phone and I asked to speak to the person who could tell me about
the services they offered. When she told
me that she would be that person, I told her who I was and briefly shared our
situation. After a moment she said,
“What did you say your name was? Did you
go to school in Hartselle? What year did
you graduate?” When I answered the
questions she said with delight, “Ray, this is Brenda! We graduated together!”
Browning’s poem,
“Rabbi Ben Ezra,” is a statement of total trust and confidence in God, even
when the issues of aging seem to be claiming our future. His point is that God has a plan for all of
life, not just when we are young and healthy.
In a telling line he proclaims, “Earth changes, but thy soul and God
stand sure.” My mother is now a resident
at the center where my high school classmate works. She is still adjusting to the change, we all
are, but I feel much better about the outcome.
As Browning said, “Perfect I call Thy plan . . .I trust what
Thou shalt do!”
